Will of the wind

It just wasn't my time. It's taken me all of the last week to accept this and even though there's still a bunch of shoulda, coulda, wouldas lingering, I know someday I'll get to play connect the dots and make sense of it all. First things first...time to rip off the band-aid, the quick and less painless way.

It was all me. I didn't follow the game plan and it cost me my BQ. Sure, the winds were a factor but I could've easily adjusted my pace accordingly. Instead, I got greedy and perhaps ran outside of my means and abilities. It was a game time decision, really. From the very first mile, I risked it all and went for a sub-3 marathon well aware that I only needed a 3:04:59 to punch my ticket to Boston. My program had me trained up for a 3:03 finish and all signs were pointing that I would've nailed it, if only I had stuck to the plan.

While I didn't hit the wall abruptly as I've done in past marathons, the splits below show a slow unraveling from about mile 18 on—

  

At mile 20, the clock read 2:20 which meant I had less than 45 minutes to run a 10k. Surprisingly, I was still optimistic that I could bang out a 45-minute 10k even though my body was hurting bad. At the 40k mark, the clock read 3:00 and in my delusional state, I thought I still had a fighting chance if I ran the last 2k in less than 5 minutes. As I entered Kapiolani Park for the final stretch home, the clock read 3:06 and although I was physically and mentally defeated, the song in my iPod reminded me that "it's not how you start, it's how you finish". And so I dug deep, to a depth I've never reached before, and made it across the finish line completely depleted, leaving all of me out on the course.

Needless to say, I was crushed. For the very first time in almost 10 years of running, I broke down and let all the tears come out. That's how bad I wanted this. Couple of other first time experiences unfolded soon after this too, including my very first voluntary trip to the med tent where I was begging for them to stick an IV in me, but with no such luck. Next came my post-race cramp session during the free shiatsu massage. Calves, arches, quads, and obliques— involuntary contractions just minutes from each other as I lay on the ground shivering uncontrollably. It was the most painful and most difficult marathon I have ever ran.

But, all things considered, I still walked or rather, limped away with a 15-minute PR and earned rankings that I only dreamed of when I first fell in love with running—

Official time: 3:11:21 (15-minute PR)
Average pace: 7:19/mi.
Overall: 118th out of 19,078
Hawaii resident: 35th
Age division:16th out of 1,044

The highlight of my day? Biting into the warm, moist, sugar-coated malasada they were giving away. I didn't believe the hype when they announced it a week before, but it was the best thing I've ever tasted after any race. No joke! On a serious note, I do want to send a big mahalo to all of you out there for your continued support and encouragement. This has been the most amazing, most memorable marathon to date (just ticked off number 6 people!), and I really could not do any of this without all of you.

I think you all know me well enough to know that my quest to BQ is not over. Not by a long shot. In fact, not even halfway through my post-race brunch (loco moco from the Pineapple Room), I was ready to sign the dotted line on another attempt at the Hilo Marathon in March 2012. But, after giving it a few days and letting the emotions flow through me, I made the rational decision to hold off on another BQ attempt. With two half Ironmans to complete next year, I'm just not willing to jeopardize my triathlon season and risk injury or burnout.

That said, I want one last shot to BQ at next year's Honolulu Marathon. But for now, I'm very much enjoying easy recovery days and plumping back up to my normal weight. The fat kid in me is one happy camper!